My name is Donna Lancaster let me tell you my story…
I was raised in a Christian home where I saw my parents reading their Bible and praying which instilled in me a deep awareness there is a God and that I can have a personal relationship with Him. However, because of tradition in the church a religious spirit was in our family and church and because of the religious controlling spirit I had a twisted way of looking at things. For example, to even say the word “pregnant”, I was made to feel I was saying a dirty word, which is not dirty but a natural progression of life. This led to me not sharing my feelings, or asking questions about life situations because the reaction that I would receive from my parents and others. I know that I was loved and I appreciate parents who took good care of me. I learned how to do the tasks at home as well as in church and did not see much expression of love although everyone cared about each other yet didn’t know how to express that caring except through the doing of tasks. I experienced God personally in my 9th grade year of school…our youth group was on fire for God and I would walk to church because I was so hungry to experience what God was going to do next. I remember one Monday morning while waiting for the school bus I committed myself to serve God and to live for Him. This came after a Sunday evening of God touching the youth group tremendously; many times we did not join the regular church service because God was so awesomely moving in our youth service so as a result I was stirred to commit my life fully to God.
I married shortly after high school, thinking this must be love yet hoping someone would “talk” me out of it. After having a daughter and almost 5 years of marriage God supernaturally gave me peace to be released from the marriage and I now found myself a divorced single mother. After this marriage I felt isolated from the women in the church, I had much self-hatred, for no one close to me or in my family had been through a divorce and no one didn’t know how to respond to me so I did the tasks and did not deal with my emotions or feelings. It wasn’t long and I met someone at church and thought that had to be God right? He was a childhood friend who I had not seen in years and 2nd heaven had it so lined up for us to meet and for my life to become more complicated. It wasn’t long and this relationship became sexual and yes I was going to church, leading children’s church and helping wherever and living a lie. I knew it was wrong for me to have this relationship and I lived in guilt, more self-hatred and just miserable living outside my values. No one spoke into my life or confronted me on what was happening. I was so drawn to this man by a seducing spirit, that I couldn’t seem to break free of the relationship so much so that I became pregnant. Thinking that he would do the “right” thing and marry me I never realized that he would want me to abort the baby instead of facing the humiliation that we both would receive from our families. Remember I was given the impression that saying the word “pregnant” was wrong can you imagine me actually telling my family I was pregnant and not married! So I had an abortion instead of having the courage to do what was right in the eyes of God. And more heartbreak was to come for I had more than one abortion. How can this be a woman raised in church with great morals yet I chose to murder my babies? A spirit of religion and perverted thinking will lead to sin. It was wrong and sinful but I am so grateful for God’s grace and forgiveness and His power to heal my heart of wounds. I believed that everything was fine with my relationship with God, however, He clearly spoke to me and said I had to TURN from the sin, to break away. I didn’t have the revelation of true repentance and had been living a sinful life. I was able to break free of this relationship and break free from the church I was in and make a change and move to a different area of town. I began going to a different church where I know God was sending me and immediately met a dear friend who cared about me and to this day is my friend in the Lord. During this time God was setting me free from a dark cloud that I felt hung over my head and I was gaining revelation of God. I understood that true repentance had to take place for me to be free of the religious spirit and those things that drew me from God. Although I had spent my life going to church, reading my Bible, praying to God, and at this time I was in my late 20’s, I now know that until I repented of my sin and turned from the sin in my life I was not saved. I am so grateful for a merciful God that is full of grace and accepted me with unconditional love when I truly repented of my sins and turn from my wicked ways.
After a year of being in the new church I met my husband Greg who definitely was sent by God to be in my life. However, through the years I had a difficult time in my marriage dealing with me being submitted because I would do the “tasks” and keep house well and take care of my family like I should so why should I have a problem with submission? Because satan is going around seeking who he can devour and I allowed myself to be devoured by him by hiding my true feelings or thinking I had them hidden because if you don’t deal with issues there comes a day of reckoning that will be an explosion. Since I didn’t deal with what was really bothering me, I “leaked” out on my husband and children and would argue with my husband in front of our children causing them to get a view of God that wasn’t right because I was a Christian so I should be walking in love in all that I did. Again let me say I am so thankful for God’s grace and mercy, for not giving me what I deserved. There was much strife in our home because of me hating myself and not dealing with my heart that it affected my marriage and children, so much so that my marriage was very close to being over. This self-hatred also caused me to push away my husband and children away and withhold the love I have for them causing them to feel I was angry with them and didn’t love them. I had a personal battle coming to the point of being honest with where I was in my life. I began by asking God to forgive me of my sin of not dealing with my heart and I repented. Then I asked my husband, my children, and my church family to forgive me and then shared my true testimony with others. Such freedom that I had not known in a long time began to take place in my heart and when I shared about having had abortions many years ago the lies that satan had been telling me were gone. I was set free by the power of God. I have always told God I would share the truth of the things I had done yet when it was time to expose what the enemy was doing and had done to me there was a lot of resistance and it was a battle to tell the whole story. I want to say that just because we have committed a sin that may seem unforgiveable to us this does not make it right for others to sin, we need to be truthful and call sin what it is…sin. This journey is not something I would want to see another go through yet because of what I have gone through I am thankful that God can use it for His glory to help others see that they too can be free in Christ. I am so grateful for a Savior who loves us and will heal our hearts, save us and set us free!
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